I ran a marathon, alone.

On October 17, 2020, I ran my first marathon. Let me start by saying that I was not “alone” for the entire 4 hours and 2 minutes but I did run solo without other runners, fans, water stations, or musical entertainment – something Berlin does very well during running events.

Why? After the Berlin Marathon was canceled a few months back, I decided that I would run a full marathon anyway as part of my goodbye tour here in Berlin. This wasn’t my first solo “race.” In April I still ran the canceled half marathon, then I took a few weeks to train for a faster time. After that second 13.1 (in June), I started preparing for my full marathon attempt.

My coach

Running a marathon isn’t easy, not that I thought it would be. I’ve fairly self-motivated but I can’t imagine running a marathon without the support of a coach. Having someone design a plan for me and check in every few days was critical. My coach (and friend), Lauren, did all of that and more. We worked together to help me prepare for a faster half, then took what I liked and what went well from that training cycle to build my next full marathon training plan. This and our constant feedback loop was an amazing resource for me.

My running journey (in shortish)

Before moving to Berlin, my longest run was accidental. I got lost on a run once in college and ended up run/walking 7 miles to find my way home to make it to a class. After that, most of my runs were 5k with a very occasional 10k mixed in (only if I was with a group or friend).

When I moved to Berlin and left my (then) favorite workout behind (hi, EverybodyFights), I started to run along the Spree for 2-3 miles. Every week or two, I went one bridge further — adding a half-mile, 1 mile, 2 miles, until I settled into 10k being a comfortable distance. At that point, I decided I was ready for a half marathon.

When I was training for this first half marathon, it was mostly to prove it to myself and, to be completely honest, I didn’t believe in myself for most of the training process. I found a free plan in the internet and added the runs to my planner. I loved the run workouts during the week and then weekends would hit. The long runs were always a mental challenge – I honestly felt scared every time I would head outside to start one.

Every weekend, I went a bit further. At 8 miles, I teared up feeling proud. At 10 miles, I was in disbelief. At 12 miles, I finally believed in myself.

Half marathon #1: April 2019, 2:07
Half marathon time trial #2: April 2020, 1:52
Half marathon time trial #3: June 2020, 1:48

Then, it was time for a full marathon. Again, I was met with fear on weekends. Sometimes we doubt ourselves the most, eh? Every weekend was unchartered territory. 13 miles. 15 miles. 17 miles. 20 miles. Then the big 26.2. Holy crap. I loved impressing myself every weekend.

“Race” recap

My goal for this marathon was to finish. After that, I set a time goal of 3:47 but I told myself that I wouldn’t be sad if it didn’t happen. My ego really wanted sub-4 but after mile 20-ish, I decided finishing was more important than finishing fast and I settled into a slower pace. Here’s how the race went…

Weeks leading up

My longest run was 20 miles. After that, I did one 15-mile workout 2 weekends before and an 8-mile workout the weekend before my marathon. The week leading up to the marathon, my fueling plan was carb-heavy. To be honest, I could’ve fueled better and I know that now. Taper time is a weird time. You’re exercising way less than you were the weeks before and you’re likely eating more carbs than you normally would. Just lean in and accept that it’s going to be an odd week or two.

Evening before and morning of

The day before, I taught a spinning class in the morning as a “shake out.” After that, I enjoyed some bagel sandwiches and worked from home – just a half day. For dinner, I had a bowl of brown rice – oatmeal style. I mixed cooked brown rice with oat milk, a lot of cinnamon, a little bit of collagen powder, a touch of almond butter, and a banana. If you’ve never tried brown rice this way, you totally should.

The morning of, I woke up around 7:00 to have breakfast (oatmeal, cinnamon, and cooked apple), lots of water, and coffee. I rested on the couch until around 8:30 or so, then started preparing for my 9:30 start time.

Miles 0-5: The warm-up

I had a lot of nervous energy swirling before heading outside. Once I was on the sidewalk, I felt ready. It took me 4 miles to warm up. The first mile was too fast (as always) and I started to feel some shin discomfort which faded as I got warmer. During these first 5 miles, I found a feel-good pace that was slightly slower than my goal pace. Instead of pushing it, I stayed there and enjoyed the ride.

Miles 6-16: Cruising

My pace averaged around 9-minute miles here – some faster, some slower. I had my friend Marie riding alongside me, catching up and telling stories which was a very, very welcome distraction. I felt pretty good and energized but my belly was growling from time-to-time even though I was sticking to my fueling plan.

For my fueling schedule, read my other blog post – coming soon.

Miles 17-21: Oh sh*t

My legs felt like bricks during these miles. Every mile, I got about 10-20 seconds slower. Luckily, I was surrounded by my crew – who were all on bikes. This is where I was longing for some camaraderie and some runners around me.

Miles 22-26.2: Slow and steady

This last bit was slow. I was running 10-minute miles around here. I wasn’t in pain and mentally I was OK, but lifting one leg in front of the other was very laborious.

The end

It wasn’t a super climactic end without a clear finish line. We were maybe 1km from Brandenburg Gate, the intended endpoint, when my watch hit 26.2. I felt so relieved and slowed down to a walk. Confetti! Woos!

My body felt good and I immediately went to the place of saying, “I feel OK, could I have pushed it more?” “I wanted sub-4 and I was only 3 minutes off.” This is a thought pattern I know well. The “what if” thought pattern. The “ego, ego, ego” thought pattern.

Check it, Emily. Check that ego.

After walking home and enjoying pizza with friends, I started watching all of the videos back. I started to choke up feeling so proud of myself for running a marathon. Then I felt in awe of myself reflecting on how I did it alone.

I’d do that again

I have found so much joy in running over the past year. I honestly look forward to Saturday long runs because it’s time set aside to process the week and clear my mind for the week ahead. I also find the rhythmic, repetitive motion meditative. It’s the best.

The other perk is the whole you vs. you thing. I look forward to hitting new personal bests in distance and speed. It’s such a rewarding feeling to see improvements in your own fitness.

Interested in a running program? Drop your email below and you’ll be first to hear about the holistic program I’m building.