How to feel when plans change?
A friend sent me a poem that I woke up to last Thursday. I adapted it for my yoga class narrative that evening (workout video at the end). Here’s my version:
We stay home.
We read.
We cook.
We exercise.
We stay home.
We slow down.
We listen attentively.
We connect deeper.
We stay home.
We take time to be with our thoughts.
We think differently.
We learn.
We stay home.
We create new ways of life.
We find new ways of being.
We heal.
We create new ways of life, we find new ways of being – we heal. It’s easier said than done, that’s for sure. But when I heard Jes Woods say something similar in a recent episode of Hurdle with Emily Abate, I started to really process how I felt about this new way of life, this new way of being.
Jes (or Emily – I’m forgetting) shared an anecdote she heard about using this time to work on our body’s weaknesses – to heal what we’ve been ignoring. As I listened and enjoyed the sun on my early-morning walk, I actually started to get teary and, no, I don’t think it was my allergies.
I’m having a hard time processing the fact that the Berlin half marathon is canceled. I’m not mad. I just feel a bit lost, a bit without purpose. When you work hard at something for 12 weeks, doing 4 workouts per week, with sights set on this big BANG at the end, it’s not easy to cope with the bang not coming.
How to feel when plans change
Different words of comfort and advice have been coming in, but none make me feel that good. When plans change, it can sometimes feel like a carpet pulled out from under you – leaving you feeling off-balance, disorientated, or flat-out on your ass. This has helped me understand that some of us need more or less time to process change. While I did adapt to the whole teaching virtually and working 100% remote thing very fast, it’s been harder for me to cope with “losing” things that I was looking forward to.
Here’s how I’ve processed some of the advice I’ve gotten:
The journey – i.e. training – is the most important part of the work. Sure, but that doesn’t make me feel better. I worked really hard to race, not almost race. Yes, I am super proud of my accomplishments and dedication during training but I’m still feeling pretty bummed about not making it to the end. It’s like hiking for 5 hours and having to turn around right before the peak. It’s like walking all the way to your favorite donut shop and then finding out it’s closed. The journey is sometimes fun because you know there’s a reward of sorts at the end. It’s OK to feel this way.
You can still run the race by yourself. OK, I’ve only run a handful of races but I don’t think last year’s Berlin half-marathon would’ve been the same without the crowd, the music, and the liveliness. I felt so good during and after – I couldn’t wait to do it again. Last year, I just wanted to finish. This year, I wanted to do it in 1:45 or less (last year was 2:07). Hitting that time is not going to be easy by myself. Nonetheless, I’m still going to go for it!
Running distance is mostly a mental challenge anyways. Sure, but the energy swirling on race day helps a lot. It’s a welcome distraction. Because we are still allowed to be out in pairs of two, I’ll be enlisting my hubby to cycle around and be my water stops and cheer squad.
Now you have some time off to rest (and prepare for the full marathon). But, I don’t really want it. I wanted to rest after the race. I wanted to cross at least one more finish line before tackling the full marathon. Now, I know, this is my ego coming in. I’m aware. I’m still trying to work on this whole “take time to rest” thing. It’s hard to switch to that mentality without the race happening which is why I’ve still decided to push towards my goal and try to accomplish it on my own. I know my body needs rest… but, first, I need to run 13.1 nice and fast.
Take the time to focus on your body’s weaknesses. To be honest, it has felt really good to find a regular yoga practice at home again. It’s felt really good to work on strength and move in the ways I haven’t been lately (i.e. not just cycling and running). It’s also felt super nice to connect with folks outside of the studio setting. When our lives demand that we be in certain places at certain times, it doesn’t allow for some of the pleasantries I’ve been enjoying as of late – random video calls during the day, nice chats before and after workout classes, more time for meaningful connections. This is something I’ll take away.
My advice to you
Give yourself time. Absorb the words from others and let them sit. It’s OK to not feel “accepting” of change right away as long as you work to pinpoint why. Is it anger, fear, sadness, disbelief? Let the feelings flow.
60-minute yoga flow
I’m getting my virtual class recordings up on YouTube in case you’re not able to join live. Thank you for sharing you energy with me during this uncertain time – I appreciate you all more than you know.